Job Description

Experience Required: None.

Physical Skills: Must be willing to wear vomit. Must be able to endure high pitched screaming directed into the ear at a distance of two centimeters. Must be capable of carrying on the tasks of daily life while lugging around 40 pounds. Must be willing to endure head butting, hair pulling, skin pinching, and fingernail scratching without retaliation.

Monetary compensation: None. This job will actually cost you lots and lots of money.

Other considerations: You will not mind wearing the vomit. Your only concern will be for the person who threw up. The high pitched screaming will only make you hold the person tighter. You will lug around that 40 pounds for as long as humanly possible, because you know that one day they won't want to be carried around anymore. And you will adore the physical abuse, because it's just a person learning how to show affection.

Fringe benefits: You will finally understand how much your parents love you. You will have a glimpse of the boundless love that God holds for his people and, more importantly, his own Son. You will know the feeling of little arms around your neck. You will know the sound of a tiny voice crying for you in the night. You will know the sight of a person toddling towards you with excitement and pride. You will know what it feels like to love someone effortlessly and selflessly. You will realize that sacrifice without regret doesn't really feel like sacrifice. You will have purpose.

The Hard Parts: Letting go of your responsibilities when they are no longer needed. The time spent apart. The tears that are not your own. And watching the most vulnerable piece of yourself go out into the world armed only with your flawed efforts to instill confidence, kindness, and humility.

And there it is. My dream job. A happy Mother's Day indeed.