Lineup

It looks like Coach Dooley has finally completed his staff of assistant coaches. Let me introduce them to you.

Rusty Folgers - Defensive Line Coach. Coach Folgers is a serious fella. He's from Brownsville, Indiana, where he once won a hot dog eating contest at the county fair. He likes big, mean, hairy guys and spin moves. In his free time, he likes to watch reruns of Miami Vice and Walker, Texas Ranger.

Chip Springfield - wide receivers coach. Coach Springfield is a fun-loving guy. He likes to run on his tiptoes and tell lame jokes ("Hey number 88, get wide out of here!"). He is a huge Apollo Ohno fan, and makes lots of speed skating analogies when coaching up the receivers.

Sergei Khazicslav - Strength Coach. He prefers to be called "the Czar." The Czar has remodeled the weight room after a USSR Gulag. He has proposed that all coaches salaries be merged for the good of the group, but this idea has not caught on yet.

Adolphus Chaplin - Media Coordinator. Media coverage of the Vols and their coaches has been uniformly positive under Coach Chaplin, although several reporters have been missing for weeks. Coach Chaplin has also begun a process to have former Coach Fulmer declared a Saint. New additions to the media guide this year will include a tribute to Curtis Strange and a handbook for fans on how to properly wear and match the color orange.

And finally, Kyle Reynolds - Recruiting Coordinator. Coach Reynolds runs his recruiting operation from home in Gallatin. His sources are primarily Facebook and Volquest. His own son is listed as a UT commitment, though the boy has not yet developed the ability to speak intelligibly.